social human, creature of nature. a being. an animal.

for the world as we know it today, when it is not about the survival of the fittest and reproducing as a species, some evolutive human features can be a little harsh.
i watched this cute dustin hoffman video and started thinking...


i feel so moved by culture and values and free will, that i ususally find myself fighting biology.
i want reason to prevail, i dont want to overpower the weak, i want to cultivate our human traits that go towards a better world. i want to tame reckless destructive impulses. and mostly, i don't want to be a gender stereotype.
silly me.
i have not and i will never be something different than a woman.
but i brought myself to not being a mom.
 and then i will die without this big experience of biology. or love.

Hostel

Bring your ID,and tell where you come from.Yes, there is room for you. Always.
Here you can find almost everything you need.
Look, feel free to take whatever you want.
You stay for a while. Enjoy yourself.
Then you pick up your stuff and go away.
If you are around someday, stop by maybe.

Well, that is basically it:
You arrive when you want, stay as much as you want, and leave whenever you want.
Come back if you want.
This way, it feels good for everyone.
Except it doesn't.

BLIND(FOLDED)*

I dont know
If it isn't really there

Or if I don't recognize it

Or if I don't think I am fit to it anymore

Lets say it is there. Will I see it?

If I saw it, will I know what it is?

If so, will I take it?

I fear, sometimes
That the doubt comes from my whole self
Perhaps from that same old crow

That lives in the corner of my soul

Screaming

You tooooo old for that shit!

(Never More?)

Or maybe

Hopefully

It is just that time hasn't had enough time yet

To mend that broken, overbaten heart.


*for the blind motherf#cker

sunday morning

electricity was off in the building. i was feeling really tired for no reason. running my eyes through an old magazine. my cell phone kept on ringing.

my father died in a sunday morning.

as days go by...

it all keeps feeling worse. worse and worse everyday. how come?

you have got to be kidding!

rose colored????

I am dizzy

because of so many laps around the sun...
.

I feel so grateful

do you think YOUR friends love you?

go THERE, then.

and, well, think again...

Sky. Heaven.

brunette, shiny curly hair, young, thin, smooth jazzy voice.
disgustingly sexy.
her name means sky. or heaven.
she looks and sings like an angel.
she makes me sick. but proud.

thank god there are still brazilian girls who make us proud.



please, just ignore the weird men introducing the girl in german.

I heart my ESL

Thank God I am fluent enough to understand everything Morrissey says. It really feels like the world is a better place when you can identify with sorrow and joy in several languages...
.

what if I decided to stop?
just quit. finish. do no more.
what if I just stood here?
what if?

don't see a reason whatsoever to keep on going.
dragging myself around for what?
what if I just gave up?
so tired of all this.

No man is an island

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...
As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....
No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

From Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation XVII
John Donne (1572-1631)


Google Earth has just found a perfectly heart shaped island in Croatia. It is called Galesnjak and it lives bathing in the Adriatic Sea.
I think this image speaks for itself...
... but if you want to read something adorable about it, you go see what my friend just did HERE. It is a blog in Portuguese, so I will ease your live with a humble translation atempt.

Camp Fire
They found me a hart shaped island, bat the land was bare and desert dry. They found me a heart shaped island without potable blood, despite all the veins filled with blood. They found me an island in Croatia, that crashes over the bad weather. They found me an island inside my heart, that needs to eat and drink, where the sun shines the whole year.

The Fabulous Valse of Amelie

Once upon a time, there was a girl who learned that the meaning of life was being part of other people's lives. And that the best of all is the meeting and the chance of being really special to someone.

If you want to feel good, press play.




La Valse d'Amelie de Yann Tiersen
Sound track of the movie Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain
(France, 2001, director Jean-Pierre Jeunet)
.

It's all so quiet

The armchair is missing the coins escaping from your pocket.
The ice cubes are untouched, waiting all together on their tray.
The volume button is feeling soooo down...
( 'cause it hasn't reached above 7 for a while! )
Our CDs are all confused, scrambled up in the wrong cases.
Your pillow says it's missing your smell.
It hasn't been too hot under the blankets.
And the cold weather has given me the only chills I'd had.

Perhaps you should consider coming back home soon.

















Edward Hopper: "Room in Brooklyn"
1932, oil on canvas, Museum of Fine Arts, Boston


this post was written for the love of my life, and inspired by my friend: writer, poet, liar.

Happy New Fear

When facing unequivocal danger, animals act instinctively. Their most commom natural responses are the following behaviors: avoidance, defensive threat, defensive attack, risk assessment or freezing. Those are the innate responses, meaning the animals do not have to learn or think about them. Those reactions were given by Mother Nature and selected throughout the evolution of species as a - lets put it this way - efficient and smart way of dealing with danger evolutionarywise.

I find pretty easy to understand good uses for such behaviors, but I have some doubts about freezing. Ok, it may work in some situations, for example, if a rodent is trying to deceive an evil eagle flying up high. Hey! I am not moving, so the eagle thinks I am a rock, or a statue, whatever. Nevertheless, there are cases where just standing still makes no sense at all. When a mouse is facing a cat, for instance. Unless the mouse defies its predator for a staring contest or something like that, it is just useless, right?

Well, I do not want to go to far with this. I don't mean to bore people to death here.

I just wanted to introduce a very realistic observation about myself, as a representative of the animal world: I am having a very stupid instinctive response to my challenges and duties that are being brought by this brand new year. I am just not able to do anything but freezing. And I know for sure this will not do me any good...

I am looking 2009 in its eyes and I am f#cking paralyzed!
.

The plane! The plane!

I have just found out that Mr. Rourke has flown away from the Island...

I think he went upstairs to join Tatoo.

I caught myself a bit sad, you know? Kinda liked him. And another page of my history has been turned.

Bad dream

Last night I had a bunch of scrambled dreams, it was very disturbing. I was in the dark and could not find the ligh switch, stumbling on stuff thrown around on the floor. I felt the imminence of evil, the possibility of danger, a very bad fear, I don't know. Then I got to open a window, but it it was all dark outside also, so it didn't help me much. I rested my elbows on the window frame and decided to smoke a cigarette, so I could think about what I was going to do. But my restlessness started again, because I could not find my lighter in the darkness.
Last night I had a lightmare.

Mirror, mirror on the wall!

- oh boy! I wish I could be a bird today.

- how cute! like a humming bird to fly and kiss the flowers?

- no. like an ostrich to hide my head under the ground.

Being correct

Impossible not to have some level of cultural shock with the politically correct.
How am I supposed to describe a first meeting (with romantic possibilities) of two people who had the date arranged by a third part?
Would it be a visually challenged date?

TV

Late night. Very Late. I was trying to find something. I finally found Lost. But I got lost. Because I don't get Lost.

What the hell is the point?

I just don't get it. No fun. No thrill. Nothing..